My post of the month, mine, not yours

So I was thinking, as I’m totally out of my own ideas most of the time that I would write a post about posts. This must be my chaos theory observations kicking in as it’s based on the observation that I post and that I don’t have any actual ideas. Sorry of that confuses anyone but really, it was meant to.

So as I write all my posts, and I guess I’ll be honest AGAIN, all the comments that feature here lets go over what I’ve already done. This is just in case you get bored of me not posting and if for one second you think I’m not at my computer, drinking coffee and playing Second Life then you are sorely mistaken. HA.

I think my best post was, well all of them, so I’ll list them for you to see. They are all below this one. There you go.

So what next? Well I’m preparing to be the next President, no no silly, not like Martin Luther King was of America, far more important, the APG.

So why not help me plan how to be head planner/king/president whatever, of the APG?

I’ve worked out a checklist and let me know what you think of it:

Totally incompetent and therefore having enough time on my hands (due to not being in work really) to organise meetings which are actually chaired my a guest speaker paid for by audacious subscriptions. I may have to introduce guest speakers but that’s just fine
Be famous, well Russell is that, he’s in Campaign every week so I just need to let everyone know I’m his blogging brother and I’m sweet
80s wit. You know the stuff, we all smoke cigars and drink in Private Members clubs and joke about the young, creative and enthusiasts who are working away as we chuckle at working out that for every hour they work we get £20 per head while they get £2….I love that one
I mustn’t know anything about advertising/marketing/Second Life. Now this is where I’m going to put my foot down. Paul Arden once said that ‘books not about advertising are better than ones that are’, or something like that. Yeah, well I think coffee shops are better than ad agencies. I get to see people, they have windows for me to observe and it beats working, gee whizz it does.

So, there you have it. All I need is an incestuous group of buddies in overpaid positions that know how to have a laugh in order to help me rise unnaturally above my natural station. I’ll see if I can find Russell.

What do you think?

Coffee Shop Life

I found him, I bloody well found him. Russell was in a coffee shop, hmph, no surprises there eh Russell.

Thing is, we actually had nothing to talk about. He let me take his picture and then asked me what I’d observed today. I was still a bit happy from that bottle of wine Marty and I found in the bin at Battersea Park so I used my out of the box thinking and asked him the same question, he said I asked you first, I said so what and he got so angry that I didn’t tell him all my ideas and observations that he ended up giving me a Chinese Burn.

Russell then stormed out the coffee shop saying he was going to find some real thinkers to listen to and write about. It’s strange as I now remember when I was at W&K and Russell wasn’t working that he asked about my observations every day, when I wouldn’t tell him he’d get angry and give me a Chinese burn. Someone once joked with me that after I was fired he was working there.

Anyway, that’s boring and even more boring was our chat over coffee, it could have been so different if we had done it in a park or just somewhere outside that would free our capitalist minds guised as those with compassion, creativity and humanity with a dash of wannabe cool hunter. Yeah.

Well, what else did I do? I hung around the coffee shop and then all of a sudden I leaped up and cried ‘SHIT’. I had just remembered that I had ordered a load of Christmas presents from another coffee shop and had emailed the supplier (The Gadget Shop) to deliver it there. What a wolly I am, I mean when I was at W&K there was toothless man who wandered in from the DSS to sign for that kind of thing but who would sign for it at the coffee shop. Furthermore, the fact I’m never there and at other coffee shops should have made it really obvious when ordering that this was on par with the most stupid thing I had ever done. Sigh. I’ve now made a t-shirt with Waiting For Xmas Presents on it.

I just hope I’m now sat in the right coffee shop playing Second Life for a good reason. What do you think?

Russellz Hunt

Woah, what a weekend. I obviously don’t have an exciting life like my twin bro Russell Davies, I mean, have you seen all the stuff he’s been writing about. I don’t know where to begin…well I do actually, and that’s by finding out exactly how he manages to be so observant AND THEN have time to write about it.

Mark my words people, this is no small task, Russell is a very complex guy who discusses only the most abstract and relevant topics. Firstly I had to find him, and where better than a coffee shop. I know he doesn’t hang out in the likes of Starbucks, he has always been bitter about never doing the advertising for them, and now he’s just bitter he’s not doing advertising. Anyway, I popped into this one near Brixton and started my investigation excited about the observations that lay ahead.

The trail started with Mandee, the Stone Roses impersonator.

He had quite a lot to say about Russell, none of it complimentary, but then again he was still miffed about the time Russell had met him for coffee and then had left via the toilet window without paying. I smiled at Russell’s audacious and always exciting observant ways.

Anyway, sorry for being rubbish I’m making no sense or point at all just indulging in the fact you’re reading, sorry. So Mandee gave me this pie chart he had made, it outlines how Russell spends his day.

This is seriously useful as it confirms two suspicions: 1. That Russell still watches the Victoria Wood in Brighton VHS I bought him when we lived as kids in Strathclyde and, true to his profession, he reads the Observer a lot, I can’t be bothered to talk or write about the rest, I just fancy a coffee and maybe a kip in the bins outside W&K.

On my way to the back of despatch at W&K I thought I explore the conundrum on whether farts smell underwater, this kid confirmed my hunch.

What do you think?

Don't you know who my blogging brother is?

Well, you will never guess what. Apparently the police are looking for my friend Marty. They tried asking me questions about him, but I decided to think out of the box and started asking the police questions instead. When cuffed and my face eating the bonnet I told the officers that I was in fact Bumble Bavies the twin brother of Russell Davies, you know, the famous blogger.

I think their police station is unluckily the only one Russell hasn’t written, given a speech or made observations about. As result, Bavies here gets it in the neck.

Down at the station I noticed by the power of observation that if you’re employed you get treated far better than if you’re unemployed like me. I feel confident saying this because I saw two women in clad clothing handing out flyers with them on it and getting coffee made for them and being kept warm by the police.

No such luck for me. Straight away I was thrown into an interview room, which I was actually quite excited about to be honest. I haven’t had an interview since W&K.

Anyway, I digress, sorry, I’m utterly rubbish sometimes, but who happened to be in the meeting room but Vinnie from Wine Press and Print. It was so good to see him again as the last time I met him was at a Planning Conference when we were both attending as temporary bar staff. He mumbled why he was there but mentioned interviews. Great I said, we could maybe work as co interviewees.

Anyway, he hushed me up which I observed as being rude, thrust his camera in my hand (so I took a pic) and told me I should escape as this was a bad place.

I didn’t know what to make or do about this and simply took his word as he limped around the table pointing to his rear. I guess they must just serve him really hot and spicy food for a laugh at the tummy upsets

It was quite easy to escape as the policemen that I was looking forward to interviewing were busy talking to the women hard at work in a cell.

Well, another day another……day. I’m quite lonely as now I have no idea where Marty is and Vinnie didn’t seem to think I would see him again.

Well, I now do have a camera and that’s what is important. Should I sell it for coffee?

What do you think

Meet Marty

I went to go visit an old friend from Lowe yesterday, Marty.

I turned up at his place (pictured left)

and we joked and talked of memories past and then decided hey, wouldn’t it be great to hold a coffee morning in a park and not in a coffee shop. When you think about it, it is totally new and exciting and involves coffee and not working.

Dumbfounded by our insightful brilliance we decided to walk around the park/Marty’s garden so that we could stay on top of every day observations.

I took this of Marty with his Polaroid looking into his/the tennis courts, jeez, he is such a thinker

Marty left me on my knees looking for a four leaf clover as I’m currently writing an article on fact or fiction. All of a sudden Marty ran up to me, thrust his Polaroid in my hand and then rammed this picture he took in my pocket. He then darted off quickly followed by two men in uniform. Marty is always attracting attention and people wanting to talk to him. I guess that is why the kids in his photo look so happy.

What do you think?

More or Less...probably less..if I had to guess...oh what a mess

So let’s talk about numbers, as a planner I have to count and you know what, I can. Thing is, numbers are boring. Whenever I had my job at W&K and I was in a number meeting I would twizzle my hair or stroke my stubble and whenever asked a question I would scream ‘What is this? Numberwang or something?’ That would sometimes get me a laugh and during that laugh I’d go to the loo.

I’m skint today so I haven’t been to any coffee shops to talk about my daily observations. What I can tell you is that hits to this blog are going through the roof, other than me at least another person has read what I’m writing…and that’s just another person enlightened.

What do you think?

Look what I found

So I was going through the bins outside W&K today looking for bank statements and clever briefs I could pass off as my own and check what I found. It's a rubbish Polaroid. Yes yes yes I said to myself like the time Mum bought me Golden Axe for the Mega Drive.

Anyway, I digress..again, God I'm a loon sometimes. So it turns out the camera is broken, but just aswell, check out the pics I found at the bottom of the bin, totally shit. But what do you think?

And this one is really crap, it looks like a still from that really dire film 'Blade Runs'

Just goes to show, there is no such thing as a free lunch....unless you dig deep enough

inside the bald head of business

Do you think bald people are better at business than those with hair? If anything it could be argued that they don't need to make those decisions that sharpen the entrepreneur. For example, Head and Shoulders or smell like a real man and use Lynx? They also have never had to ponder what happened to Timote.
I'm really glad this post has come about like it has, I was worried I was going to write about a shit idea that's conference notice boards you see in hotels to track what global business is thinking about.

Phew, wasn't that lucky. Anyway, what do you think?

Help me get richer

Getting fired for surfing the net was great. It meant that I could spend all day everyday writing about everything I ever did, like today I patted a dog and as soon as I had I knew I was going to write about it, heck, I might even organise a coffee morning so I can talk about it to utter strangers.

Anyway, like always, I digress. Now that my previous employers regret thinking I'm a slob who is on the internet everyday they are paying me to give a talk about stuff. This is great, it reaffirms that being unemployed can actually get you employment. If I hadn't had 24 hours a day everyday to do utter Jack then I wouldn't have the time to wonder around the world writing about every scene in my life. This is quite valuable as an earning model. It means that whilst everyone is really busy doing stuff like work they don't have time to learn about Second Life and every website that is ever published. Since time is on my side I can be the quick informative fix and solve this problem for them.

Now however we have a bigger problem. I almost can't be arsed surfing the net anymore learning about new and wonderful things such as how to get laid in Second Life 2 (for adults only - I set it up myself by cracking the Sims adult version and Second Life by merging the two to create an awe inspiring adult, virtual, technosexual, web 2.0 .....thing, it's great). God I'm digressing AGAIN, I'm so rubbish. So, I can't be arsed anymore, I'd rather just sit in a coffee shop and grow more stubble.

So write in with what you think is interesting for my next talk. The last one went a bit badly, I stood in silence for an hour and afterwards when asked why I did that I tried to make out it was a media neutral stunt but I don't think they believed me. So, help make me richer.

An observation from the toilet

Have you ever gone into the toilets at work and seen the cubicle door closed and while you're taking a whizz no sound comes from it...nothing, not even a faint plop (I haven't worked in an office for ages, I got fired from W&K coz I was surfing the net too much).

Well try this, after you've zipped up and washed your hands, open the door to leave but don't...just let the door close and be very quiet so the guy in the cubicle thinks you've left. Write in with what you hear. Now, for a loose and irrelevant link to marketing: This will help you scratch at the surface that things aren't always what they seem, like The Body Shop actually testing on animals...or something like that

Hey Hey Hey

Guess what? I got up today and had a bath. I was going to write about it and the limescale I observed but thought I'd save it for tomorrow so I have something to blog about then. Can't wait to get to a free wireless internet coffee shop and talk shit to strangers. I'm so happy not to be homeless anymore. What do you think?